Saturday, April 21, 2007
lonely and cold
i'm feeling love sick. not because i'm in love. but because i'm out of it.. im feeling really weird in my heart now.. very sad like feeling. but its not cause of anybody. its like maybe a sudden realisation that i'm alone and theres nobodys arm to fall into now. i'm feeling really desperate. no wait. i realise i've becomed really desperate. seriously. this is no good. i'm going to jump into another relationship pretty soon if i dun control myself. its no good. please. i cant get into a relationship now. but i want love so bad. i feel so lonely. ): oh god.. :( i want to be held. to be told i'm loved. oh god. somebody love me. please. but no... i hate this.. i know if anybody tells me they love me now i have to turn them away. why.. why. why am i sending wrong signals to myself. why do i need love. am i taht reliant.. i need you. my true love. where are you. do i know you already? how many years must i spend looking for u. oh god. i wish i was married. i wish i was married, happily with my family. have my own family. have a stable job. send my kids to school. is this normal? is what i'm going through normal. i want to be loved. i want to sing love songs to you. i want to sing. sing out loud. i need release. closure? i need love. i need to be pampered... oh god. i want to be held. my heart misses something. i need to feel this void in my heart. i used to feel warmth on a cold rainy day. remember taht line? memories are rushing through my mind. all of them good. all of them saying i love you. all of them making miss love more. help me. i need to love myself. i cannnot take this noo! no! i need to gain control of the situation. but this feeling. of helplessness. of sweet self pity. and i dont want to get out of it. i dont have the will. i want to listen to emo songs blasting through my head. i want to feel emo? omg wats wrong with me.. love. love. the songs. oh no.. i just want to hear to love songs on and on. and never stop. no! help! oh god.. i feel lonely. i feel so lonely. love me.. love myself? its easier to have somebody loving me than loving myself. everybody is so in love. everybody else is eating the sweet fruit of love. and i'm so envious. omg. i am envious. yes i am. i want to be in love. why am i holding myself back? why?! somehow the songs running through my head are so comforting. i need to hold myself. please. hold me. touch me. the feeling of a plam on my face. the kiss of ur lips. wahts wrong with me. i need physical touch. oh god. this feeling. its overpowering. and i want to be loved. please. i just want to be loved.. please. noo whats wrong with me.. a womens voice slidding thourgh my brain. her warm carass. lingering kisses on my lips. brush of her hair against my cheeks. her sweet smell. that lovely smell of her skin. i want to be lost in u. i want u. i want.. need. i feel so weak so helpless. a womens touch. i'm desperate. hold me tightly. bury your head in me. share ur laughs with me. share ur tears. my shoulder is yours. my heart for u to keep. for all eternity. and i promise i'll never cheat on you. love me.. please. oh why cant i control my emotions.. beauty. the beauty and strength a women possess. her stubborn flair. her addiction to shopping. women. her need for secruity. yet her need to be free. her fickle mind. things i love and hate in a women. so much of a paradox. such an irony. oh to be loved by a women. i want to be kissed. i admit it. i'll tell you i love you as much as u want me too. i'll give u all the love i can. please. hold me. tell me you love me too. even a simple me too will suffice. why? why am i all alone. no.. what do i deserve? if everybody tells me i deserve someone better. that i'm a nice guy. den shouldnt i be attached. shouldnt i be the happy one in love. why? why when i say i love you. you say no. why did everything end? no i mustnt think of this.. i need to move on. ouch. my heart. its beating so fast so hard. so painfully. i want to be loved. really. i want to sing songs to you. with you. like the voices of a love bird. interwined. i want to be loved. i want my soul to sing. i want to be warm inside. feel touched. cared for. i realise i keep going round and round. how much i want to be touched. how i want to be loved. but wat can i do. why do i believe so blindly. such a blind faith i possess in love. that one day we all will find our one true love. waht made me like this? why am i so steadfast in love? why do i believe so much. i dont want to ever stop saying love is real. i feel so mixed up. i love you. whoever you are.
love kills slowly 8:09 pm
