Barry's space!

Monday, May 28, 2007

ok guys if u need to find me tmr.. meaning tuesday.
i'll be in sch.. studing from 10 - 3
anythign can ring.. doubt it though.. wish me luck..

love kills slowly 8:52 pm

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

haha i'm listening to my Avril Lavigne, Let GO cd.. lol. i rather be anything but ordinary pls..
sounds nice ey? lol. sigh. well i've been thinking. cause wehn u emo u think alot..
i need to love myself more.. i have super low self esteem now. very unsure of myself. like every step i'm waverying.. sigh. cant spell too. i feel useless. i need to be positive.. hmmm avril's old album damn emo sia.. i owe alot of ppl lots of things.. i've been taking people for granted? i havent said hi to friends who cared. and i just left everybody around me.. around? just hanging.. i need to get a hold of myself. i cant keep losing stuff.. i've lost my love. lost myself. i cant lose stuff anymore. my studies.. my friends.. sigh. guys. its not that i dun believe in friends. i just dun want to hurt any of you or burden any one of you any further than i have. i just want to be held.. hugged. patted on the back. loved... sigh. i havent been blogging cause i dun wanna show that i'm emoing.. i want to try to get better.. so it ended up as me not blogging =p. haha. sigh. i need to be more firm? i need something.. sigh. =/ hold me and tell me everything will be alright. pls?

love kills slowly 7:01 pm

Saturday, May 19, 2007

ho-k.. i really dunno wat to blog.. i realised debdeb like to read all my post cause of dunno wat reason. something like my writing style.. but i realise that i cant write like that all the time. only emo den i write like that.. or at least i dun like to use those strong discriptive words in normal posts. there is no feeling ar. lol. so it ends up my normal posts are damnn crappy. look at the spiderman one.. lol. or if u go wayyyyy back. theres a teen titan one. and a night safari one.

cynism is me.. skeptical=barry.. lol everyday telling ppl that the govenment has a big conspiracy. they proabbly are tracking me while i'm typing this from the brain implant that lets damn see wat i see. so its damn dangerous guys. watch out.

today had some farewell party. and it was pot luck. so i got 2 packets of nuggets and 2 packs of onion rings. so u think. a party of 10. thats just nice rite?. cause 1 of each will be just too damn little. well inthe end there was like half pack of each left. and den u think. hey.. 1.5 pkts would be just enuff wouldnt it? den u think why they pkt it such tt 1 pkts too little. and 2 is too much. and 1.5 is impossible..... i see ur gears churning. see u see wat i see now dunch u see? ITS A CONSPIRACY!!!!!11 just like how medicine will never work the first time. you have to go back for another round!!!!!!

they are ripping us off guys.. and i swear we have to do something about it. for all u know they start selling 3/4 packs.. so its even more screwed up. ok i better stop here before they send a jolt throught the anal prob stuffed deep into my a$$ =/

love kills slowly 11:20 pm

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

How to piss people off

just send them surveys! XD

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=86043878098

just so i can find the link easily, but u can do it if u want!
pls? lol

love kills slowly 10:40 pm

Friday, May 11, 2007

k just to reply the tags..

GLENN> sure no probs. let us know when u all performing we go support xD lol.
JIE> yeah la only you.. haha. keep smiling always rite? haha
JO.JO> LOL choi. touch wood. *taps your head. wont fail. haha ok nxt time i put paragraph for u.
SAF> you think funny.. i was just talking to her only lor...
DEBB> haha thanks deb!! i trying not to be emo la.. lol
JIE> haha thanks jie! trying to get better.
EVERYBODY> THANKS FOR EVERYTHING ((: yeah i'll try not to be emo =/

love kills slowly 8:41 pm

Monday, May 07, 2007

whoa the new blogger is screwed.. trying to type a post here but it looks upside down..

anyway been wanting to post.. but jsut been messing around.. oh wells. instead of emoing.. lets talk about spider man 3!!!!
ok so yeah for those of u who haven't watched.. dun read. i'm not giving a review or anything.. but some parts may ruin the show for u =/ i dunno. i wouldnt read this if i haden't watched the show.
anway... SPIDERMAN 3 DAMNNN N0ICE..
peter parker was emoing la.. lol. damn handsome sial.. i never thought i wuold say this.. omg.. but yeah. damn noice his hair and his outfit. and his moves.. omg! his moves damn sweee.
i wanna be just like him mommy! lol.. except for the part where he loses it and humilates mj..
though the dance was nice.. =/ it still wasn't a very descent thing to do.. but overall. emo look nice! i learnt from spiderman that we all have a choice...
unless its concerning the life of a significant individual than spiderman forgives you! :D
and if you want forgivenss Get a religion =/ lol..
and wahh venom is damn coooll!!!! his outfit. his jaws. wahhh. damn swee la. the graphics for that show was way cool sia.. the ending was abit dumb.. after killing venom(not going to say how) sandman confeses that i was forced to do it. and he disappears in a sand storm.. which was rather weak. harry finally woke up to his senses when the gay butler told him that he loved him as much as his father. and helped spiderman. which did i mention was way cool. his mask and his weaps. wooooooo. i dont mind being a bad guy for that shitz. lol. mj was just hanging everywhere screaming. and peter parker suckszxcz as a boyfriend. and i dont understand why he gets the chicks.. chicks being this blonde bombshell from his class. whos hes lab partner who wouldnt have made it(in lab classes) if not for him. and later on she kisses him. and he did it willingly mj style for her... did i mention he knew full well taht that was THEIR kiss. and she was just right there. so mj gt freaking jealous. first of all her bf cant understand her. or thinks he does when hes not. and now he makes out with this girl in her position. and peter parker wonders wat went wrong... omg.. idiot. i make a better boyfriend. but he still gets the girls. including the not too bad looking secretary of jjj. damn you spiderman!!! and venom. cant rmb his name. prays to god. he believes in god. and he prays that god. please kill peter parker. =/ what the hell.. which god you pray to sia.. its like england praying oh lord please deliever brasil to us. please give us the might to score more goals than them and defend well oh lord. they did pray that btw. for the last world cup. up against brasil. and it didnt work cause clearly if they wanted a god of war.. they were looking in the wrong direction. i bet the brasillians witch doctors do better as war gods.. lol.
so spiderman 3 was a gr8 movie. i have no idea why. and if i had a gf i would have brought her to watch it. i just had that feeling. like wahhhh. must watch with gf.. oh wells.. life goes on. try too anyway.

well i need to start focusing on my studies already. enough excuesses. now my mentor knows my form teacher soo... the cats out of the bag bout my behaviour in class and all. and they are worried abuot me.. sigh.. soo many ppl care but yet i stilll.. sigh. its not that i dont except your help. i do. its just funny... how i still miss her. how i still love her. how i'm still confused. at night i wonder. do i really love her? waht is this feeling? i got so lost. confused. its tiring. i need to stop having sleepless nights. i need to just sleep till my alarm wakes me up. i need to pay attention in class. i need to study. sigh. discipline barry.

jie> i hope u see this. sorry for not saying hi for so long. i just been.. id unno busy? but i do miss you yeah. dun think i nver bother. its just too amny things bombarding me...
deb> thanks for still being here. we need to talk more haha. so sorry if i nver say hi as often as last time..
mei> i missed you. lol call me soon ok?
to whoever who looks here> why dont u leave me a tag or something to let me know you care. and want me to get better. thanks anyway.

gawd.. i miss her..

love kills slowly 7:27 pm

Thursday, May 03, 2007

ok i've been quiet for too long.. gotta tell u all how i am rite =p
well been feeling really lonely. confused. desperate?
really mixed up la..
i'm trying really hard to not to think of her, but all i can think of is how much i want to be part of her life. how i want to say great that finally u got ur specs! how it looks nice on you. all these things i'll never be able to say. i cant bring myself too. i dont know. afraid? of what? i dunno. just glad you're happy and all.
i really need to learn to love myself. all that love i have.. i need to give it to myself. and i need to stop being so reliant on the whole physical touch thingy.. i need to be less paranoid.. less everything. i just need to chill. just stop thinking. stop moving. stop feeling. den i can have a better look of the world. i need to take a step back. breathe. and jump head first into life. learn all over again. i just want a normal life. =/ really. just a normal life. no need to have a life ppl will be envious off. no need. just ur average joe. i dont need to be a knight. nor a politician. i dont have to be anything. i just want to be barry. me. leading a descent life. boring? maybe. no need super things. just normal.. but what is normal? what is real ? =/ lol.
anyway. i need to treasure my friends more. still working on the talking to friends thingy. cause i dont talk to anybody at home. i realise i dont call ppl and talk. or sms or anythign. not that i'm asking all of u to sms me.. once in a while is ok. cause i dont want to over shoot.. life is like slow. sooo slow.. everyday is like one long tired jog.. its just dosent have anythign to look forward too. nothing worth fighting for. and i'm not doing anything about it. i'm just saying i'll do it tomorrow. i got zero motivation. zero purpose. just living each day. cause i have too. sometimes when i think abuot what i becomed after all this. i realised i was really on the verge of madness. like suicide?? how can sia.. but really.. so many times it really feels like i cant carry on. i just didnt know how too. when i think of those ppl who commited suicide. if they were in my shoes.. they defintely would take the plunge. my parents are not the least helpful. and at that point of time my whole life i nver really shared with anybody except for her. i dont know why i'm typing this but the first and only time i cut my wrists in my entire life was because of my parents. they never tried to understand my life. never did try to take intersts. that was the only and the last time i cut my wrists. but than they'll never know. i realised that ALOT of things that were personal that happened to me. nobody knows.. excpet for her. soo many things.. things that if u all knew. u would cringe. when i'm home i barely communicate with my family. i dont know. i'm ashamed of myself infront of my parents. when i say paranoid you all may think its because of her. but it goes way beyond and before i met her. ever since i was a child. i was paranoid. just htat you all dont know only. i live in fear. constant nagging fear. afraid of what ifs. now its not really like a fear. its just a nagging problem. im not so afraid of it. but its still there. if u only knew what my life was like. i really wonder if the pain or the feelings i feel is normal. alot of times. i really doubt its normal. its scary. being called a loser? well she called me a loser. some pri sch kid called me a loser. i think i'm a loser. i can perform well in anything. what have i done well in life? nth.. not a thing. death is the easy way out? death has too many consequenses. but ive always been curious. if one day. i'm lying in the hospital. who would visit me. who would geniuely care. who really love me. and if i die. would there be ppl crying for me? i dont know. i dont think this type of thoughts should be going through a pri sch kid. cuase this was the type of thing that went through my brain when i was in pri sch.. its pretty scary to think i'm like this. my lifes pretty screwed up. once i managed to build up a wall around my heart. and it was a cold place. and i swore never to go down that dark road again. i couldnt even cry. it was tt devoid. my lifes full of extreames. soo many crazy things happened to me before. that when i look back i get dazed and think omg that cannot be me. my lifes shit.
good luck in making it better.