Barry's space!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

ok i sold my two arts nite tickets to ryan. so dun ask me to go incase i change my mind and start regrttnig.. which suckzcz big time..

love kills slowly 10:46 pm

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

zzz today mangement of business lol..
got one question define the term hypermarket..
SIAO WHERE GOT LEARN LOR... damn retarded.

ans: a hypermarket is a very much larger and bigger supermarket..

tts my answer..

love kills slowly 12:19 pm

Monday, June 18, 2007

hey guys! GMSS GRAND OPENING this friday! from 8 to 11. so come down k? den can all catch up..
i suspect ttheres quite alot of ppl reading taht i dun know visit. haha. so yeah gmers come down pls

love kills slowly 9:18 pm

Sunday, June 17, 2007

erm ok i'll be gone till monday late night. than tuesday i'll be in sch and going to meet dar they all aft that. update you all when i get back

love kills slowly 1:53 pm

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

ok i wont bee home till proally fri night. will be in church camp. have a feeling its gonna suck badd. anyway sat got to go esplanade for play! a music somehting. anyway wont be around cherrio

love kills slowly 5:02 pm

Sunday, June 10, 2007

sigh just got back from the cinemas with my parents. caught ocean's 13.
its 20 mins till midnight. and i got you(metaphorically) to accompany me till i wish her
a happy happy birthday. i admit i feel nervous. feel weird. i feel insecure? i dunno wat to feel. sigh.
everyday i think of her more and more..

looks like this holiday acting as a "cool off" period so that i wont see her= get over her isnt working.
i need some other way. so many different ways how i could mess this up. so many outcomes. i think of all the things i did when we went out. haha how she didnt want me to hold on to the rooft handle of the car. sigh. those were the times. i keep thinking of her. i just hope she has a smashing birthday..

i feel different. at ease? i dunno more relax? smooth. i think its the music.. michael buble has a theraputhic effect on the emotions. haha. i feel like holding her. holding her close. swaying with her. dance the night away. sing songs with her. laugh with her. just holding her tightly in my arms. oh love of my life. wont u stay alittle longer. the night is still young. ur kisses linger on my lips. and i yearn for more..

i wish. haha. i'm not exactly fantasing.. its the music lol. but really i just feel like chilling with her. she was good at that. haha. she made me feel at ease. relaxed. and just not give a care. just be utterlly at peace with myself. thats how i felt with her. she was such a lovely girl. she gave me a relationship i never experienced. and i am thankful for that.

sweet perfume. soft silk. sweet drink. great music. oh for the love of a women. relationships. its wine baby. wine for the soul. makes u high. and leaves u empty and yearning for more. haha. just being with u. its like a thousand faries making things work. such a great feeling. such a wonderful time. love. love. love. oh to be loved. oh and to love. sigh. oh to be fawned upon. to be showered with passion. lets spend the night tgt. swaying away under the star dotted sky. with mr moon staring down upon us. the dark night sky. just like ur eyes. darkness so distinct it draws u. mesmerizes and seduces. draws u deep into its dark depths. staring into ur eyes. and to see a twinkle beneath the darkness. oh for that little gem.

i love love love to be happy. to regain all i had, have? just take possesion of them. control my assets. use them to my advantage. only to be rewarded with the lips of love. sigh. i'm intoxicated. lost in emotions. haha. i believe i'm totally incapitated by this feeling called love. though its the yearning of love. and teh reminice of it that i'm being incapitated by. not the actual being in love part. though i gladly would accept. No. no no no. no i cant. but oh for love.
oh i cant sleep. i feel elated. excited. brilliant haha.

happy happy birthday sweetheart.

haha 12o'clock. oh a brand new day a brand new start? i hope this marks the day i move on. ready to accept another into my life. if not i'll just have to keep listening to michale. haha. oh darling be mine. this christmas perhaps? just dont tell me you gave your heart away. pls dont tell me you're giving it to someone special. let me sweep you off your feet. afterall we had a special time. oh what a time.

it was sugary sweet. talking. over a cuppa. making plans for the future. laughing about our silly plans. i must say i havent felt this good in ages. i must thank a few people. felicia, yeah you. deb you too. thanks for caring. i feel like i'm on cloud 9 n 3/4 . if i were a pianist i would be all over the piano. letting my fingers do the dancing to the rhythm of my heart.

To all you lovers, cheers. all you love birds. haha. to love! to relationships! oh to this intoxicating feeling called love. cheers. cheers to you all. to good health & to good music. hmm this feels like christmas. i dont normally feel this good till christmas. haha. hmm christmas sounds like its going to be a blast this year. yesteryear was great. this year will be even better. i can feel it in my spirits.

i dont feel emo. really trust me. this one time. i could use a good love song actually. ha! i love you guys. thanks for being there/here for me. haha. sorta.. haha. i feel like i'm in the mood for a drink. though i dont really drink or dont. just a feeling. like nows the perfect time for some drink. what do you say? aye? haha.

i do think of you guys too you know.. even though i dont type it out.. dosent mean i dont. haha. some stuff makes me think of you guys. haha. just much lesser. i guess. i wanna scream my lungs out. with this new found joy? haha. i really wish i could have this feeling of euphoria? more often. i dont think its euphoria.. for a lack of a more dramatic word.. euphoria it shall be. i feel very much like listening to quiet tunes. lounge music i believe. a piano. a lovely voice. an orchastra if it fits the budget. nothing loud pls. haha.

send me songs? yes pls send me songs. just something that you like. just send to me. love songs? yes pls those too. ahh a dreamy mode. could that be the word i'm searching for? in a dreamy mode? haha. how a silly school girl feels when the guy she fancies says hi to her. haha thats proably the best way to describe it. brilliant. now i'm no better tahn a school girl. haha. if i open my heart to you would you come in? would you open yours for me? i really wish i knew. haha. if i open my heart again to you. would you show me what to do? cause you know that in the end i would be there for you in the end. always. haha.

happy happy birthday again. (: take care love.

love kills slowly 11:42 pm

Saturday, June 09, 2007

ARRRH!!!1 I cant take this shit anymore. i hate it. i hate what god is throwing at me. if this is his idea of character building. he can give it to someone else. one problems not enough? why cant you just let me let it go. what this is some sort of joke? just for fun i'll give him another problem while he still hasnt settled his first one. WTF

i cant fucking take it anymore. theres only so much i can convince myself. and after that i cant. FULLSTOP I CANT FUCKING DO IT. what must i do to stop feeling all of this. ALL OF THIS EVERYTHING. let it go damn it. i curse and swear so much at you. why dont you just strike me down. or turn me to stone or somthing. it'll fucking end my problems and yours.

the only reason that prevented me from being suicidal at first is the only reason why i can do it now. she wont know now. sort of anyway. she wont be directly link and therefore she wont blame herself. now what? every night for the past week.. i lie in bed and it sucks. outside of the house i look like a dejected boy. i'm so down. so for a lack of word depressed. i hate it. WTF is WRONG with me..

why cant i let it go? let it all go? what did i do last time that helped me forget everything. i dont want to be like this forever. i want to stop this shit. her birthday's the day after tmr. i wont forget. i can never forget.. i need out. i need to break free. i need to stop having thoughts in my mind. i need to stop thinking that it is still possible btw the two of us. i need to stop thinking of ways to get her back. i need to stop thinking of her.. i hate it. i love her. she'll always have a part of my heart. but not like this. i dont want to hate her. i love her. but i know the love will change. but i just want it to change now. i want to be able to look at her knowing that it was the greatest moments in my life having her by myside. but at the same time be happy for her cause shes happy. why cant i do that.

i'm lost in emotions? lost in translation? lost. it hurts so much. and nobody understands. maybe i pour my heart out to the wrong people. but time and time again. i keep thinking of the word friends. i dont even think i have any that i can call friends the way people look at it. i dont share with them anything of my private life. and they barely share me theirs. i dont know what a friend is all about cause the differences they make are sometimes neglible. i dont know if it would have been any different if i shared my soul with my friends. i know that proablly i'll be a much better person. better social skills. but i dont know.

family? my family is more of like a need. i just need the money they provide. the rooft. the bed. the water. none of my family members know whats going on in my life. aren't parents supposed to be there for your kids? i blame my parents for our relationship we have. come home scold. nag. who says i dont appreaciate them. i do. i know that if not for them i wont even have a computer to type this out. to have a handphone. to have clothes. to have money. i do. i respect them.. sort of. its more intrinsic. i guess. i dont know. all i know is i hate it all the time when my parents ask about my relationships. they'll go better dont have and all sorts of shit. and when they find out its over they say good. wtf. makes me want to shout fuck you in their faces. i hate them for not knowing me. they dont know how i lvoe. dont know. fuck it fuck it all.

i hate it. i hate this me. i've tried everyway of fixing this problem. i've approached it. i've done almost everything.. i even went for counciling. but its not working. nothing is. i'm still as broken as ever. still as distraught as ever. i'm hurt. broken. and i need somebody to heal my aching soul. i'm really a mess. the greatest mess of shit you can see. i know that there are other people who are worst of than me. but how many are there. that are still alive? everytime i think of suicide. i think of that kid who jumped cause his teacher wanted to expose his bgr to his parents. something small like that and he jumps? i rmb all those times long time ago. all the news reports of ppl jumping. i rmb failure at work. girlfriend broke up with him. all sorts of crap. and i think. hell if anyone of them were in my shoes. i/they would be dead by now. what for tolerate all this crap.

i need something to hold onto. something. someone? no.. i cant drag another into my sorry life. i want to enter a relationship? but i know that i cant. not now.. i'll hurt them. i dont want to. and i'm afraid that the same thing happens again. that we break up just before my exams. i hate it.
i cant do this ever again.. i'm in pain.

love kills slowly 11:29 pm

Thursday, June 07, 2007

sigh.. well after 3 months.. 4 nxt week.. u start to realise the mistakes tt were made.. and that i'm entirely at fault.. after so long.. i realised i still miss her.. and perhaps still love her..
whats more.. i want her back.. i dunno how or why or anything. i love her. she was the bestest best thing that ever happened to me. and i have this feeling she still looks out for me.. i know some of you are skeptical but.. somehow i just dont believe she has given it all away..
sounds awfully like the barry tt jsut broke up.. over optismistic..
the same mad look in his/my eyes.. saying all sorts of rubbish? i dont know.. all i know is i made mistakes.. mistakes and lots of them. we could have should have gotten back tgt but i screwed up that part.. badly.. i have no experience in patching.... and i really screwed up bad..
i think i miss her.. i think i love her still. if not why? den why oh why do i still curl up in my bed thinking of her.. and why do the tears come when the nights dark and the stars aren't shining? those twilight moments(i like this phrase read it from a book) before sleep. why are they so haunting.. my nighs have been sleepless. some nights i just fall into oblivion.. in fact.. most of my nights are this way.. just sleepless oblivion. yes my eyes are shut.. yes i'm sleeping. however in my mind. in my heart.. in my soul. i know i'm awake.. just in some sort of stasis.. coma?
recently however.. it was a night not unlike the one i just describe.. i admit.. i cried.. it had been a while since i last did. and it was just a few tears.. i was ravaged from the insdie out.. shamful bits of my life. how i cry at night alone.. sigh. but that night.. that very night. the most wonderful thing happened to me.. i had a dream. why wonderful? well first.. i dont dream very often.. secondly it was a delightful dream. but most of all it was wonderful was because in my dream.. i met this girl. her name. oh she described it as teh name of the strength of a women. her name was sharon. i swear. this is real. i vaguely rmb meeting her first on a bus/train. and i met her again and i took up the courage to speak with her and when i asked her for her name she told me it was the strength of a women.. weird huh?! and i guessed it was sharon.. and i was right! all i know was she was beautiful. and she was teh niceset women you can ever meet. the next day i woke up. it was the brightest day in a long long long while.. i was smiling when i woke up.. damn retarded but i swear its true.. she was the most mature lady ever.. and than there i lay that morning thinking about her.. and it came to me.. that in my heart deep down inside. no matter waht. i'm always a little boy. that no matter waht i'll always be an immature little boy.. and that maybe because of that i hurt all my relationships. cause i was just too young on the inside. so haha now i'll just have to look for a mature lady to date me. and she'll understand me take care of me.. and i remember.. i just SOO like to be pampared.. haha. little relevation of myself made in secondary school. i just love to be pampered. live on it. haha..
so well on a lighter note.. i hope i meet this sharon.. she seems like a great lady. (:
but i miss her..
shhh dont tell her.

love kills slowly 11:30 pm

Friday, June 01, 2007

well tmr i'm going to take part in my first silat sparing contest.. and i admit i'm going to die... they are damn pro. confirm one. and yeah i think i may die..
oh wells on the bright side you wont have to read this blog anymore! one less blog to tag! lol
anyway i'll be at nus. so yeah. wish me luck..

on the other hand.. zie.. pls take care of yourself yeah? what ever you do remember that kenneth, naren, tiff, jys, jon, and whoever else are there for you. and if no one wanna pick up your call. you can always count on me.. so yeah.. TC pls..