Barry's space!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

hey guys. thanks for all the help you've given me.
i think i'm better.
though sometimes it still hurts.
but i've managed...

anyway thanks for all the support again.
hopefully i'll be able to study enough to make up for the lost time.
should be ok la..
always studied at the last minute anyway.. lol.
oh ya. most proally after my promos.
i'll be playing WoW.
so yah... lol.
MORE GAMES WOOOOO

go out hor guys!
poly i noe u all still got hols.
so no excuse!
than chalet at the eoy woooo!!!

love kills slowly 5:20 pm

Sunday, September 24, 2006

please. when u read all that. please note.. i wrote those not in the most calm state of mind.
i'm really really sorry. i'm so sorry it hurt you. i didnt mean it.
we're still friends yah?
i'll still need a friend like you. you still mean alot to me.
even more than i realised..

well.. erm i dreamt of you last night.
it wasnt a pleasent dream.
but it told me you meant alot to me.
and that all the time i said for you to go away..
that would have killed me. cause i didnt know at that point if you had left.
how much more hurt i would have been.
i'm terribly sorry.
last night when you were online.
half of me wanted to say hi. but i didnt have the guts too.
but all thats going to change.
i'm going to be a great friend and brother (:
love is about wanting the one you love be free and happy in her endeavours.
it may suck now that you're gone.
i may think terrible thoughts.
but when all the rain has felled.
and all the clouds have gone.
a rainbow forms.
a sign of love.
when the curtains of dark clouds are lifted.
a beautiful meadow is left behind.
where misery is washed away.
where children come out and play.
everything seems brighter.
happier
the flowers are fresh.
the air is fresh.
and life goes on.
you still play an important part in my life.
whther i know it or not.
so please forgive me.
i love you.
i'll be your friend.

love kills slowly 4:32 pm

Friday, September 22, 2006

at first i was afraid
i was petrified
i kept thinking i could never live without you by myside
but i spent so many nights
thinking how you done me wrong
I GREW STRONG
i learnt how to carry on
so now you're back
from outer space.
i walked in to find you here with that look upon ur face
i should have changed my fUCKing lock
i should have taken back the key
if i known for just one second you'll be back to bother me.

GO ON NOW.
WALK OUT THE DOOR
dont turn around now cause
YOURE NOT WELCOMED ANYMORE
werent you the one who tried to break me with desire
you think i'ld crumble
you think i'ld lay down and die?
oh no not i
i will survive
as long as i know how to love i know i'll be alive
i've got all my life to live
i've got lots of love to give
I WILL SURVIVE
i WILL SURVIVE'

it took all the strength i had
just not to fall apart
i kept trying to mend the pieces of my broken heart
and i spent so many nights feeling sorry for my self
i USED TO CRY
now i can hold my head up hihg
and u'll see me with somebody new
i'm not that STUPID LITTLE PERSON WHOS STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU
and so if you feel like dropping by
and expect me to be free
but now i'm saving all my lovin
foR THE ONE WHOS LOVING ME

WOOO WALK AWAY
u trying to break me WONT WORK ANYMORE
told yu not to sms me rite?!
made me cry
U HURT ME AGAIN
i cant trust u.. oh no..
i cantt
SORRRY
GOOD BYE
wait why should i be sorry
GOOD BYE MY LOVE (:
its ur fault (:

love kills slowly 11:53 pm

Saturday, September 16, 2006

the pain never ends.
it only gets burried.
only to resurafce to hurt u again.
only to be burried again.
the cycle never ends.
i dont want you anymore.
go away.
please.
it hurts too much.
i still love you.
but it hurts too much.
its over.
we may talk a year from now.
but now.
just go away.
get on with your life.
how do you get over someone who was part of your life.
every event in my secondary school had you in them.
even if i try to forget.
things just pop up to remind me of you.
i want to forget.
everything.
it hurts too much.
too many tears have fallen.
too much scars have been made.
pain is lodged in my heart.
and it only serves to remind me of the past.
these scars, these wounds.
i cant get over you.
but i need to.
my exams are coming.
why could'nt you wait till after my exams.
you did this to me for my o's.
now you're doing this to me for my promos.
what more do you want.
go away.
i dont hate you.
i cant.
just walk away.
turn your back on me.
just let me see you walk away.
i'll always look over my shoulder to see if you're there.
but i dont want to see you there.
cause it'll hurt.
the intital moments of happiness disappear.
its over.
you said it yourself. so dont come back.
i'm trying to forget you.
i wish i could.
but i know i'll never forget.
i want to die.
the pain claws at me.
its as if i've been straped spread eagle against a rock in the ocean.
with its angry waves lashing out a my bare chest,
while the birds claw at me and peck at my eyes.
and all i can do is grit my teeth.
release me from your love.
let me go.
i need help.
just let me die.
dont tortue me anymore.
i dont want to hurt anymore.
but i'll always hurt.
i'll never forget.
never heal.
why did every love of my life do this to me.
i hate this feeling.
i hate everything you put me through
yet i love you.
and i love everypart of our journey.
i hate this feeling of love and hate.
you were such a part of my life.
i cant forget.
every promise that was made.
every lie that was said.
every moment with you.
i really thought you were the one.
i guess i was wrong.
what did i see in you.
all i saw was the love i had for you.
dont tag.
dont reply.
dont sms.
dont talk to me.
just leave me to die.
i love you.
if you loved me too.
just leave me.
it'll be better.
dont try and help me.
dont give me any hopes.
i cannot.
i'm not that strong.
i never was that strong.
please just let me go.
forget me.
erase me.
your name will always be etched out in my heart.
i told you that before.
and it will never disappear.
i still love you.
yesterday, today, tomorrow.
i love you.
that i wont lie.
i really did.
with my whole being.
i did.
it wasnt some infactuation.
it wasnt some puppy love.
i love you.
together with all the pain.
i love everything about you.
your bad points and your good.
more so your bad.
every experience we had.
i'll never forget.
you brought out something in me that i'll never forget.
you helped me grow.
i dont know how sure i am about that.
but i hope that i'll learn and be stronger.
if we had a chance.
you know i would get back with you.
you know how much i love you.
no matter how many obstacles there are.
you know i'll fight for you.
but i cant. not now.
not ever.
i cannot.
dont worry.
every secret i'll keep.
every lie i'll keep.
every moment i'll keep.
hidden. burried.
lost in the ever turmoil of feelings.
i'll keep it there.
cause i know it'll never leave.
will there really be 3 ppl in my life?
1 who will love me the most.
1 who i love the most.
1 who i'll live with forevermore.
i always wanted to know.
ever since i was a kid.
who will be number 3.
the one and the only.
i thought it was you.
guess not.
dont know if what ever i say now adays is real anymore.
dont know if i'm true to myself.
to whatever i say.
i cant trust myself anymore.
cause all my feelings will just lie to myself.
it'll just deceive me.
i'm broken.
hurt.
lost.
i need help.
but i dont accept it with open arms.
you taught me to love.
now i'll never love again.
i can never love another as hard as i love you.
i wont say i never love you.
i'll never say i hate you.
cause i'll just lie to myself.
the words just keep coming out.
i miss you
i love you
i want you
and it hurts.
i need to get out of this hellhole.
but do i really want too?
nobody can help me
if i dont help myself.
but i cant help myself.
i'm not that strong.
why does everybody think that i'm such
a fine person.
i'm not.
i cant handle myself.
outside i may seem nice.
at home i'm like shit.
i dont like this.
i never did.
i always wanted to treat my siblings better.
my parents wiht more respect.
why cant i do it.
i dont derserve to be loved
or to love.
i cant love my own blood.
how do i love another one who is not part of me.
i dont know.
will i survive.
i know i will.
slowly but surely.
i wont kill myself.
i know that.
but everyday the feeling is like a shadow.
overpowering everything.
its a cloud looming over the horizon.
when i look back.
i read the entries i've written in your diary.
i see how hurt i am.
i see how much i was in love with you.
i could see everything.
but i could never understand.
i never could.
i want to know why.
i want to know so much.
why did it end up like this.
was it me?
it was wasnt it?
what was it?
i was insecure again?
or was it you.
every feeling i had.
everytime i felt that you were in the wrong.
you would take it and spit it out at me.
and i would be wrong.
was it really me?
or were you the one tt was hurting me?
maybe i was the one who was correct.
have you thought about that.
everything i said.
everyhing i liked.
did you ever take an interst.
no.
why?
why do what you do.
why say i love you?
why say if i'm sad you're sad too.
how do you sound so happy even though i'm gone?
do i not mean anything.
was it a lie?
an elaborate set up?
just another play?
another performance?
i'll never know.
theres soo many things i wanted to know.
i always was there for you.
i wanted to help you.
you never let me.
NEVER.
you know how much it hurt me..
that i could never help you?
that i could only know that you were in trouble.
that you had problems.
but i could not help.
cause you wont let me?
did you?
i tried to be supportive.
you had your exams. i didnt expect you to call or anything.
i supported you during your exams.
did you do the same for me?
my worlds crumbling around me.
its like the stage is falling apart.
the theatre hall is falling.
the ceiling is crumbling.
everybodys gone.
except me.
i'm alone
i have to face all this alone.
did i regret?
not that i know off.
i love you.
why do you like to keep it a secret?
was i an embarressment?
maybe i'm not good enough.
i was not good enough to be shown to your friends.
they'll laugh at you?
all they know is how badly i treat you.
i'm not even sure that i treated you that bad.
is it wrong to love?
love.
the excuse?
what is it?
will love really cross all boundries?
love will prevail?
good will win?
evil cannot stand in the brightness of evil?
i dont want to be the good guy anymore.
its no fun.
i need release.
closure.
i just need to destroy me.
maybe it was a game for you.
and now its just game over.
so you're just going to put another token in the machine.
get on with life.
no revert from last checkpoint.
just go on.
who cares.
just another person in my life.
barry.
whos that.
i dont even know who i am.
what makes you sure you know how i am like?
you never knew me.
maybe i never knew you.
i dont know.
everythings all lost.
whats there to believe.
whats right?
whats wrong.
is love suppose to be this painful.
i cant forget.
i need you.
but i cant have you.
you're my poison.
you give me a high everytime.
but you're slowly sapping my life away.
my future.
my o's sucked.
it was my fault.
i cant screw up my promos.
or maybe its fate.
destiny?
time never tells.
time never heals.
it just erodes.
it makes you dull.
it makes you forget.
i'm at the end of my tether.
have i run out of rope?
issit game over for me?
in this game of life.
time to die?
nothing makes sense.
i love you.
and it hurts so bad.
i'm sorry.
i really am.
it was my fault.
AS Much As it was yours.
you treated me wiht contempt.
no wonder we never lasted.
not the first time.
not the second time.
finish over.
dont find me ever.
you got plenty of friends.
dont find me.
please.
if you read this.
good for you.
now you know.
i love you.
you hurt me for the last time.
dont say sorry.
dont say hi.
just disappear from my life.
if i'm around a year from now.
healed.
you can try to talk to me.
i sure hope you do.
but dont make me fall in love with you again.
please.
i cannot go through all of this again.
it'll hurt more than it did this time.
so the best is if you forget me.
dont have to call anymore.
dont have to listen to my beiefs.
my views.
you never listened in the first place.
now you dont need to tell me i'm wrong.
you dont need to say sorry.
dont need to say anything.
no need to pretend that i matter.
maybe i did.
just let me disappear.
i'm sure of this.
i'm sure of this decision.
to forget.
to never get back with you.
i'll hate myself.
but just leave me so i can keep all the memories.
dont add anymore.
everytime you say hi.
you're just extending my pain.
so stop.
not that you do say hi often.
but jsut stop.
feel angry.
angry that i wrote such things about you
whatever.
i feel better now.
abit.
but it wont last for long.
you made me cry.
you made me hurt.
you made me love you.
and now you cast me off like a rag doll.
maybe i dont deserve you.
i deserve someone better.

i love you baby.
you're my love.
i remeber all that.
i love you.
i miss you.
i want you.
i need you.
goodbye my love.

i love you

love kills slowly 2:25 pm

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

guess i'm alright already..
i still think of you/her.
but i'm getting over it.
dosent mean i'm forgetting you/her.
i'm just getting over it.
still love you. still miss you. but i'm getting over you.
i hope you/she dont/dosent get the wrong idea.
i'll be here if you/she want/wants me back.
i love you/her. <3

oh yah.
manage to start studying.
getting on with life.
i'll take care of myself.
gotta change my playlist. lol.
good luck barry.
promos coming.

love kills slowly 7:20 pm

Sunday, September 10, 2006

i miss you.

everyday my feelings are getting from bad to worst.
why do i keep feeling agitated..
maybe someone is injecting drugs into my bloodstream at night.
feel soo frustrated and angry at times..
at dont know what.
but one feeling for sure is that i still miss you.
and i still think of you.
i want to take care of you still.
i'll be the one always there for you no matter what.
you just got to ask me.
i'll be there.

i loved you; i love you; i will love you forevermore.

love kills slowly 7:59 pm

Saturday, September 09, 2006

i've always ask god to send me his angels.
i guess i never realiesed that they were always here.
right beside me. (:
thank you all.

love kills slowly 10:17 pm

pray for me.
pray for me that i'll be able to study hard.
to concentrate on the coming exams.
omg.
i dont know how am i going to do this.
what if i dont make it.
omg omg.
i need help.
):

God's holding one end of the pipe and we're holding the other end.hes constantly supplying water to us but if we squeeze the pipe and refuse to let go the water will never reach us.God wants to help and provide but you refuse to let go.
another thing is that youre focusing too much on ur problem and forget that your focus shld be God.

thanks mei.

love kills slowly 10:13 pm

sigh.. i'm tired.
theres too many things in my heart and mind.
soul and spirit.
i feel wrecked.
theres this thing inside me its twisted.
with pain. sadness. emoness...
sigh..
i wanna scream my lungs out.
cry till i'm dehydrated.
just dissappear.

love kills slowly 10:03 pm

Friday, September 08, 2006

SIAO!!! PICTURE LIKE MAD.
ok first some from ECP.

OK damn irrtating. i cant seem to put the words where i want them.
so i'm skipping captions.. hate this system.

love kills slowly 8:04 pm

Thursday, September 07, 2006

okiex i going to zoo worz..
so horx if tmr i nver go fun fair hor.
or if by sunday u all nver see me online horz.
means i got eaten up.. -_-
toopid lionz.
lolx

anyway detective barry is going to the zoo this time
to prove that the animals take a little walk worz.
from the zoo to the night safari at night.
lol.
and last time i saw a kola (:
so anyways.
i'll go snoop around.
so long nver go liao.
miss the zoo worz..

okiex.
take cares and wish me luck
on my next adventure!
lol.

love kills slowly 11:38 pm

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

hi guys.
guess hus back
back again.
sian.. stupid song. cant be bothered to finsih it.
hilo to long lost fren kenny.
finally get to see you online.
not a nice tag though.

oh well. todays not a good day to post.
not now.
dunno why i'm feeling like tt anyway.
but i've been ok.
went out with rach,claire,darius and barry.
it was cool.

sucks.. feel emo agian.
gzzerel.. emo bro.
we need to talk again.. sigh.
i need to get back into the light.
please bring me out more often.

thanks lina for studying with me (:
doubt u'll read this. but ya.
sigh i need out.

oh ya. i'm blogging cause my mei is bugging me to blog..
joanne bloggggggggggggg.
ok blogged.
u noe most ppl
they blog blog blog.
than reach bout here.
than they'll say
aiya duno wat to blog about.
end here lahz.
well i think dats damn retarded.
why do u need to say tt?
just say
ENDING
3
2
1

love kills slowly 10:12 pm

Monday, September 04, 2006

ALLLRIGHT!!!
went to comex today.
got a new logitec wireless keyboard and mice.
lol.
got a new headphone from creative (:
white!
i got the DiVi CAM 428!
another creative product!
than eric lend me heroes V
ps... i cant spell heroes.
i spelt heros like 3 times.
eric was like YOUR E
than i tot huh?
hEros.
lol right!
anyway. thanks guys.
thank you all!
i'm alright now.
thanks to all my meis!
and all my bros out there.
thank you to the one i love.
thank you god.
oOOoO first time i mentioned god in this blog.
got hong bao?
lol.
so i think its time to start studying.
pray more.
and get on with life ((:
hope i'll be happy everyday.
going cycling tomrrow!!
funnnn. maybe meeting charms aft tt to study.
lol.
study lol.
i love all of you.
and you.
and you and you
and you.
especially you ((:
GIMME A HUG ((:

love kills slowly 12:00 am

Saturday, September 02, 2006

sigh..
if you're bored.. erm call me.
any of you..
i just really not used to this.
i cant not talk to someone before i sleep.
i need to talk to somebody over the phone each day.
i feel soo uncomfortable.
with feelings like these.
how do you forget?
when love is everywhere.
how do you forget.
in the idiot box. your surroundings. your friends. your family.
strangers..
seen them before? along the road. hand in hand. holding each other.
hugging. kissing.
i.. i never had the chance.
why.
i need the touch of a girl..
i need to feel the warmth of someone else.
i slept pretty well last night at shaun's.
was sleeping with barnabus. on shaun's bed.
sigh..
i need company.
i need help. someone else to save me.
sigh.
somebody heal me.. please

love kills slowly 10:44 pm

i miss you.
i miss you alot.
if you see me say hi.
call me once in awhile.
sms when you're free.
say hi when you see me online..
anything will do fine.
i miss you.

love kills slowly 8:00 pm

why am i so useless.
it should have been a sweet goodbye.
wasnt that what we used to say?
why issint it the same.
how am supposed to live without you.
since i've been loving you for so long..
i thought i could live on your love.
i thought wrong.
who to believe?
the masses?
or love?
if only you'll explain everything to me.
if only you'll tell me everything i need to know.
i want to know.
but i dont know what i want to know.
cause whenever i'm with you.
everything seems so right.
why am i so useless?
just a few setbacks in life and i'm like that.
guess you're right.
maybe i'm not meant to be the one.
i want to forget.
but i cant. and i dont want too.
its all i have.
memories.
dont take them away.
if i dont have anything left.
than whats there to live for.
already now there seems to be little to live for.
life? love?
how do you move on?
how do you forget.
some say you never do.
you can never forget.
you just have to move on.
it hurts. it sucks.
i remember telling people.
break up? well go stew in your own soup.
feel sorry for yourself.
feel sad.
than get out of it.
well now i know.
i remember all those people.
asking me, for advice.
well i need advice.
i need help.
but even with all the advice.
it dosent help if i dont want to listen to them.
i dont want to believe in whatever anybody says.
i want to believe in you.
i want to believe that we were in love.
i just want to be with you.
i want to be back with you.
i love you.

somebody, anybody, come down and save me.
somebody come and save this lost sheep.
she was my angel.
heal me, i'm heart-sick.

i can never forget.
i cant sleep.
i cant live like this.
i want you.
how much i want you.

every tear that drops from my eye.
takes alittle bit of the pain away.
but it just keeps coming back.

i want to let it out.
but i cant.
i.. i want to cry.