Saturday, February 06, 2010
zomgwtfbbq much
"when you are stuck in a moment you can't get out of, when the night runs over and the the days won't end.. just remember in a moment.. this time would pass (: "
as my life carry's on its course. i realise i need this line more and more in my life.
my uncle just past away. almost a year after my grandmother or his mom past on.
i really cant deal with it.. i dunno how to face it. maybe its my fault for not really trying.
but i really am lost in this mad world. sometimes i see the people around me,
and their lives are awesome. little problems easy obstacles. and somehow life opens doors for them.
am i jealous? possibly.. but is it my fault? i bet i could proably handle it better.
i could but not alone. not in this frame of mind. pathetic? i could very well be.
but could the people who judge me handle it better? my life feels like a rollercoaster.
vice, quick relief, instant gratification, alcohol, drugs, women.
somehow nomatter how morally wrong it may sound. tempting and soothing it is.
gives me that little sunshine. that little bit of happiness.
friendship? what of it. i have none. in my darkest moment nobody grabbed my hand.
my hand that reached out for them. grasping at emptiness.
if i had a dedicated friend. the same as i offered people. somebody always there.
somebody willing to ride this hell-ride with me. and still grin and bear it.
i don't need a girlfriend. i'll always pine and want one. but nows not the time.
i need a good friend. a close friend. a genuine friend.
alcohol has been that stand in friend.
but its no good for me. i know it. people all say things to me as if i don't know it.
i do know. i do know its bad for my whole state of mind, body, spirit.
a friend. she's all i ask for.
love kills slowly 12:18 am
