Barry's space!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

going in today. be back 10 days later. another week confine for field camp.

my grandmother is in icu D:

love kills slowly 3:06 pm

Friday, January 09, 2009

Hey barry, how are you?

Barry in Tekong , Day 1.

Barry should be in Tekong now. It's 1104pm, he should be resting or asleep already..maybe even having fun with his new friends in camp.

Wonder if he's adapting, if everything is okay, if..he is thinking, thinking, thinking.
Good night Barry, hope you have a nice rest.

love kills slowly 11:03 pm

Thursday, January 08, 2009

my grandmother was just admited to the hospital. i pray that she will be alright and i will be able to see her on chinese new year to celebrate together. i'm feeling much better i just needed to get out. and i just shaved. lol. you guys can sms me. good bye. for now.

love kills slowly 10:07 pm

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

it was another depressing day. the moodiness may have subsided at times but it was generally around. hanging around me. clinging on to me. maybe i'm spending too much time at home. but what to do.. i'm bored to hell. sitting at home staring at my screen staring back at me. it dosent get better at all. it just gets worst and worst. i loathe to admit it but i may be depressed. and its not helping. samw suggested that perhaps i couldnt let go of the things here. tahts why i feel this way. shes probably right. but let go of what i do not know. people? time? relationships? uncertain. always a blank. maybe claire's right. i think too much. chances are i really am thinking too much. but at the same time what am i thinking of? i feel like i'm losing it. i need to get out.

love kills slowly 11:27 pm

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

its a blue monday. and i foresee a blue week ahead. the closer it is to the ninth.. the more... unhappy.. i've becomed. its as if i have a hole, a hole which cannot be filled. not with friends or family. not with games or activities.. its just a void in my heart. i dont feel hurt. i just feel... down. its just a generally dark and cloudy mood. i just feel alone? no i dont think thats it. its a trouble to thing of women. but my mood is not affected by them.. at the moment anyway.. it seems pretty hard to stay cheerful. and the ninth keeps getting closer. and although i'm not afraid of what is to come. i am still wishing it dosent come so quickly.. the only thing that really seems to cheer me up is the wind.. when i walk home at night. at times i just stop to feel the wind against my face, in my hair. it takes away my sorrows and refreshes me. its like an invisible hug. only that it is mostly unconditional. i hope my mood will lighten.

love kills slowly 12:15 am

Sunday, January 04, 2009

saturday was a weird day... so many things happened.
sunday- going to my grand's for reunion dinner.

love kills slowly 5:25 pm

Saturday, January 03, 2009

2009. the new year crept up behind me. totally didnt expect/forgot about it.. to realise that a year has passed and a new year has arrived, its quite unsettling i think. another year older? a new year of uncertainity? definitely. enlisting in less than a week. and yes its kinda weird feeling. frightning? i'm not too sure. i'm not looking forward to it but i'm not afraid of it i guess. its the whole first day of school syndrom all over again. lol. i never really had any problems going to school. when i was a kid i watched all those cartoons. and the kids were all really afraid of their first day of school. it was just another day when i entered. nothing much to fear. that was primary school. secondary school well i was nervous. i guess thats how i'm feeling now. like when u're on a roller coaster and you're on the up slope. climbing higher and higher. yeah thats how i feel. apprehension? its an intersting feeling. 2009. to think i have no more school for 2 years. its kinda weird. i guess i never really hated school. my life is kinda on a standstill? or something. its in limbo. i dont know whats next whats round teh corner. totally unplanned. at least back in school you know that you have to go to school and theres a sort of routine. during the break i had from secondary school to millennia i went back to school to help out. i had a routine. now i'm just doing nothing.. quite boring. i should go out more. the days also are passing alittle slowly. i've been thinking its the weekend for quite a few days. but everyday seemed to pass slowly. haha. i have been waiting for a lady to turn up in my life i confess. but i'm so worried i'll hurt her. and i'm so worried if i can commit. or if i really liked her. its a gut-wrenching feeling. not knowing how you feel about someone. but i guess if i cant tell if i like her or not it just means i dont. and it would be ungentlemanly of me to pull a girl into my life just when i enter into NS. quite selfish actually. i'm better off alone... or better off not pulling more people into my life? i really hope this year i'll be more faithful to God. and this year i want to focus on renewing the relationships i have with my family. i havent been a good son or brother. but i want to change. i dont want to complain and whine about how many family life is terrible. i want to change it. i need to be more tolerable, and patient. i hope i dont lose God while in the army. took me ages to find my God and i dont want to lose that faith again. it has been a lonesome time this festive season. but i did spend it with friends. i did spend it with church people. i hope my life will be the light in the darkness. i hope to inspire the youths around me. i hope i will guide them in life. during camp i really regreted not being able to bond with them more. to talk to them to find out how their lives are. or just to learn about their day. its really lovely talking to this people. i suspect this could be a potential calling in the future. where i work with youths. i have 6 days left. and i hope to learn more about the peopl around me. to let them know i care for them. and each and everyone of them are important to me. i wonder how will life turn out to be in and out of the army. will relationships change? will old ones fade? will new ones bloom. whatever the ending i hope its with you. whoever you are.