Monday, April 16, 2007
ok so sick on fri. didnt go sch all that. didnt go for the debates too... -_-
all the training go down to waste.
well monday liao. i went to sch. stay for 4 periods den go home. giddy giddy.
zz come home eat fruits den slept for bout 2 hrs. felt so good aft tat. den play cs =p shhhh
den ate dinner and now feel damn giddy again. i think i'm going to bathe den sleep again. super dizzy.
i and her are ok now. at least we're like friends. kinda. so i'm just going to leave it at that. not listening to my heart anymore. i really dont trust myself anymore. which sucks really. cause watever decisions i make most of the time its wrong.. so i just give up and ask for my friends opinions now.. not the best option. its rather weak actually. makes me out to be some sort of weak minded shit. but who cares. love? nah not now. although everyday all iwant is to say i love you. although everyday i just want to be held and taken care of. oh well those were the days? if its meant to be it'll will be. force no use one.
gotta focus on my studies. but this sickness shit is not helping. a div sommore lor.. den i sick till like that. dont even know if i can attend sch tmr... shit la. i need to go to sch.. never thought i'll hear myself say that haha.
well singledom is really ... i dont know. its pretty hard. i dont like it. oh wells... gotta live with it.
everytime i see her smile i get mixed feelings. happy yet sad. i just need some cold turky from her. just live out life without her for awhile. and i bet before i know it. i can really look at her as just a friend.
my eyes are itching to see her blog. to see hows her life. but i must realise her life is of no concern to me anymore. just as how she does not have to bother about me or my feelings.
i guess sometimes life plays a cruel trick on us.. its horrible.. but gotta live with it.
i just wish her all the best in her future endevours.. really.
i must stop thinking of how we could have shared the future.
i must stop thinking of how we had a beautiful past.
i must stop thinking of how could she give away somehting so great.
i must stop thinking about us.
its no longer. its not meant to be. its over.
finish barry.
stop making ppl worry for u.
i make too many ppl care for me..
gotta be jsut abit mroe independent. dont care of wats gonna happen.
sometimes u gotta keepp some of it in?
whatever it is. i;ve got to move on.
dont blame ppl. dont blame life. dont blame love.
blame myself.
cause nobody owes me aliving.
and i own my own future.
yes ppl do mould my life. but in the end i'm the one making the decision of walking through that open door.
enuff pain. pain go away. i command u.
cause i have had enough. really. like seriously. enough is enough.
so no more emoing. no more pain.
just get on with life.
get back into the game. back into the rat race.
another mindless pawn to the man.
so i just gotta build my foundations well and den when i get out of the rat race..
i can stick it to the man! lol...
not so giddy anymore.
good bye
love kills slowly 6:40 pm
