Sunday, June 07, 2009
its been a while since i last blogged. i just didnt have the motivation too. i had alot of things weighing down my mind and heart. and i just dont know what to do with it. honestly i've been feeling damn low. what with all the booking in.. and i do feel lonely. its kind of a drag at times. life isnt really all rainbows and butterflys atm. army isnt that bad.. but its not good either. i dread sundays. hate that my civillian life would come crumbling down in a few more hours. and i have to reset my life into the army. maybe as time passes it'll get easier to bear. maybe if i had someone to share with it would be better. i wonder if what i really need is a girlfriend. perhaps a companion, or a friend is what i really need. but the fact that i keep thinking i'm lonely is whats the problem. if i didnt have such a mentality, if i was alittle more optimistic.. i proably wont be feelign this way. but i guess i'm not and it is a little depressing. i keep wanting to induldge in alcoholism and smoking. but i know its wrong. but whats holding me back is a thin piece of my morals and values. and thats wats left holding me together. i hope i can deal with my situation better. and perhaps win a heart along the way.
love kills slowly 5:43 pm