Saturday, January 03, 2009
2009. the new year crept up behind me. totally didnt expect/forgot about it.. to realise that a year has passed and a new year has arrived, its quite unsettling i think. another year older? a new year of uncertainity? definitely. enlisting in less than a week. and yes its kinda weird feeling. frightning? i'm not too sure. i'm not looking forward to it but i'm not afraid of it i guess. its the whole first day of school syndrom all over again. lol. i never really had any problems going to school. when i was a kid i watched all those cartoons. and the kids were all really afraid of their first day of school. it was just another day when i entered. nothing much to fear. that was primary school. secondary school well i was nervous. i guess thats how i'm feeling now. like when u're on a roller coaster and you're on the up slope. climbing higher and higher. yeah thats how i feel. apprehension? its an intersting feeling. 2009. to think i have no more school for 2 years. its kinda weird. i guess i never really hated school. my life is kinda on a standstill? or something. its in limbo. i dont know whats next whats round teh corner. totally unplanned. at least back in school you know that you have to go to school and theres a sort of routine. during the break i had from secondary school to millennia i went back to school to help out. i had a routine. now i'm just doing nothing.. quite boring. i should go out more. the days also are passing alittle slowly. i've been thinking its the weekend for quite a few days. but everyday seemed to pass slowly. haha. i have been waiting for a lady to turn up in my life i confess. but i'm so worried i'll hurt her. and i'm so worried if i can commit. or if i really liked her. its a gut-wrenching feeling. not knowing how you feel about someone. but i guess if i cant tell if i like her or not it just means i dont. and it would be ungentlemanly of me to pull a girl into my life just when i enter into NS. quite selfish actually. i'm better off alone... or better off not pulling more people into my life? i really hope this year i'll be more faithful to God. and this year i want to focus on renewing the relationships i have with my family. i havent been a good son or brother. but i want to change. i dont want to complain and whine about how many family life is terrible. i want to change it. i need to be more tolerable, and patient. i hope i dont lose God while in the army. took me ages to find my God and i dont want to lose that faith again. it has been a lonesome time this festive season. but i did spend it with friends. i did spend it with church people. i hope my life will be the light in the darkness. i hope to inspire the youths around me. i hope i will guide them in life. during camp i really regreted not being able to bond with them more. to talk to them to find out how their lives are. or just to learn about their day. its really lovely talking to this people. i suspect this could be a potential calling in the future. where i work with youths. i have 6 days left. and i hope to learn more about the peopl around me. to let them know i care for them. and each and everyone of them are important to me. i wonder how will life turn out to be in and out of the army. will relationships change? will old ones fade? will new ones bloom. whatever the ending i hope its with you. whoever you are.
love kills slowly 12:45 am
