Thursday, June 07, 2007
sigh.. well after 3 months.. 4 nxt week.. u start to realise the mistakes tt were made.. and that i'm entirely at fault.. after so long.. i realised i still miss her.. and perhaps still love her..
whats more.. i want her back.. i dunno how or why or anything. i love her. she was the bestest best thing that ever happened to me. and i have this feeling she still looks out for me.. i know some of you are skeptical but.. somehow i just dont believe she has given it all away..
sounds awfully like the barry tt jsut broke up.. over optismistic..
the same mad look in his/my eyes.. saying all sorts of rubbish? i dont know.. all i know is i made mistakes.. mistakes and lots of them. we could have should have gotten back tgt but i screwed up that part.. badly.. i have no experience in patching.... and i really screwed up bad..
i think i miss her.. i think i love her still. if not why? den why oh why do i still curl up in my bed thinking of her.. and why do the tears come when the nights dark and the stars aren't shining? those twilight moments(i like this phrase read it from a book) before sleep. why are they so haunting.. my nighs have been sleepless. some nights i just fall into oblivion.. in fact.. most of my nights are this way.. just sleepless oblivion. yes my eyes are shut.. yes i'm sleeping. however in my mind. in my heart.. in my soul. i know i'm awake.. just in some sort of stasis.. coma?
recently however.. it was a night not unlike the one i just describe.. i admit.. i cried.. it had been a while since i last did. and it was just a few tears.. i was ravaged from the insdie out.. shamful bits of my life. how i cry at night alone.. sigh. but that night.. that very night. the most wonderful thing happened to me.. i had a dream. why wonderful? well first.. i dont dream very often.. secondly it was a delightful dream. but most of all it was wonderful was because in my dream.. i met this girl. her name. oh she described it as teh name of the strength of a women. her name was sharon. i swear. this is real. i vaguely rmb meeting her first on a bus/train. and i met her again and i took up the courage to speak with her and when i asked her for her name she told me it was the strength of a women.. weird huh?! and i guessed it was sharon.. and i was right! all i know was she was beautiful. and she was teh niceset women you can ever meet. the next day i woke up. it was the brightest day in a long long long while.. i was smiling when i woke up.. damn retarded but i swear its true.. she was the most mature lady ever.. and than there i lay that morning thinking about her.. and it came to me.. that in my heart deep down inside. no matter waht. i'm always a little boy. that no matter waht i'll always be an immature little boy.. and that maybe because of that i hurt all my relationships. cause i was just too young on the inside. so haha now i'll just have to look for a mature lady to date me. and she'll understand me take care of me.. and i remember.. i just SOO like to be pampared.. haha. little relevation of myself made in secondary school. i just love to be pampered. live on it. haha..
so well on a lighter note.. i hope i meet this sharon.. she seems like a great lady. (:
but i miss her..
shhh dont tell her.
love kills slowly 11:30 pm
